It all started with gossip girl

The first thing about men women think of, if they are searching for negative characteristics, is : they cheat more . I really don’t know if they cheat more than women, but I don’t think numbers matter. I, for one, see no reason whatsoever why it would be easier for women to be faithful, compared to men.

I understand how hard it is to not cheat. These words sound sinister to me, even more so since I am in a relationship with a wonderful person. Yet a relationship full of white lies and elegant plays withholding the truth is not what I sign up for.

In any relationship longer that a month there is a 99% probability of one of the partners to fancy someone else for how they look, how they smell, how they think or just plain “its angelina jolie!”, “it’s johnny depp!”.

Firstly, how would it start? The impulse, a word which Mr. Y often uses in a phrase regarding me.

What you do with that impulse to kiss, run with, screw, stare at, lie for someone other that your spouse, bf/gf etc ?

This initial seed, this little itch if you want, which just lit a small synapse in your brain connecting that new/old/other person to “desire”, is so mysterious and hard to understand. A million things in the world aligned so that you find that particular person attractive. The same thing happened when you saw your partner as “attractive”, the only difference is…wait? Is there a difference in this?Is there a way to be so committed or monogamous that deep (and still be a functional human being , not obsessed or something)  that you only find attractive one person in the whole world?

Then I thought:  why? why do men act more on that impulse and women less (or so it seems, so it is perceived and portrayed)

What I realized is that it’s about how permissive we are with ourselves.

Men are very permissive with themselves and not so permissive with others, while women are very harsh with themselves and more permissive with others. A man will forgive himself much faster for something he has done than a woman (for doing the same thing). And they would gamble with that potential guilt with more ease. Maybe it’s a relic of society. While women have been asked to marry virgins and never follow their own urges, but only to look after their family and be calm and warm even to the most horrible of men companions, men have had other things to do than try to make themselves more tender and forgiving. They worked, spent a lot of time away from their wives who had no authority or hold on them. The most loved women in history have been stronger, not so forgiving and in the end fell for or loved powerful men that were not assigned to them, but whom they fought for.

Just a thought.

One Response to “It all started with gossip girl”
  1. Mary says:

    remember that time when i told you about that crazy book which explained the concept of adultery as seen by the old testament and that said that men were allowed to have as many women as they wanted as long as these women were previously untouched (virgins), and adultery was only when a man had a non-virgin woman (who belonged to the guy who deflowered her)? 😛

    well, this concept of adultery, beside probably being the basis of the modern idea that men are allowed to be more promiscuous (= have more women) than women are (which are expected to be monogamous), had a very practical use in ancient times: protection from venereal disease. 😉 lots of ancient cultures (romans, egyptians, greeks) had chemical contraceptives (see silphium), but they didn’t have the new and improved version of the pigs intestine 😛 and even now condoms are frowned upon by men and they would rather know their partner is clean and not use it…

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